Singleness, Growing Up

My Grandma Kay passed away on June 3rd.  I found out the morning of June 4th.  That day was strange as I cooked for a team, went to worship practice for church, and helped serve at the tea fundraiser our church held.  I thought about her all day, but couldn’t be with other people who were thinking about her or who understood what she had been to me. 

Finally, later that night I had time to process a little.  One of the first thoughts that hit me was that my grandma will now never see me get married.  Although kind of a selfish thought, it was one of the more painful realizations that I had that day.  First, it made me realize that she was really gone.  Second, it made me realize how much I had wanted her at my wedding (Lord willing there will ever be one in my future). 

It also made me think that I’m 23, have no boyfriend, and have people around me getting older (just like I am) all the time.  I know that my parents want to still be young when I have kids so they can toss them in the air and babysit (at least I hope they want to babysit) for me.  I know that my other grandma would like to see my wedding before she goes.  My brother and sister-in-law would probably like their kids to have playmates before they are grown up and in college (my twin nieces are already in second grade, so college is really not far off).  My little sister is worried I will never get married, so for her, the sooner it happens the better.

I’m pretty excited about this possibly-one-day event, too, so what does a single 23-year-old girl do?  Trust God’s promises, I guess. 

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
   the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
   from those whose walk is blameless.

Psalm 84:11

 
If He truly is withholding nothing good from me, then He knows why my grandma won’t be at my wedding.  He knows that I want to have kids soon, but He also knows what is good.  I’d rather trust His wisdom than get my way.  Besides, trusting makes it a lot easier for me to keep serving Him where I am now, instead of doing everything in my power to make marriage happen sooner.  As the Psalm 84:12 says,
“O LORD Almighty,
   blessed is the man who trusts in you.”

Saying goodbye

It’s my last free week here.  The next seven weeks are camp, camp, hang out with camp people, team, team, travel, stop travelling/leave.  It’s weird to have so much time left in this country, but really to be done with my connections here.  I’ve spent my last visits with church people, school people, and some of my friends in the missionary community here.  I’ll be here for another month and a half, but I won’t really be here.

 

My suitcases still sit empty in my room.  My clothes are still hanging up.  I haven’t said goodbye to anyone yet.  It’s like I’m incapable of moving on.  Like I can’t move forward.  Once I finished teaching I realized how much I will hate leaving Bolivia, how much I love it here.  Now it’s warm during the days and cool during the nights, I’m starting to enjoy sitting around while I wait for things to start or people to show up, and I’m loving more than ever taking buses around, shopping in open air markets, and drinking Coca-Cola made from pure cane sugar.

 

I’m not ready to leave.  I’m not even ready for this partial leaving that I’ll be doing on Sunday—transitioning from missionary to team worker.  As I look back on what was probably the hardest year of my life so far, it has also been one of my most joyful.  I made so many mistakes, but I also let God use me in new ways.  I have loved being here in Bolivia, and although I couldn’t be more excited for the life ahead of me, I already miss my life here.

 

Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

- Nehemiah 8:10

Grandma Kay

 

 

My dear, special-to-me grandma passed away Friday night.  I will miss her very much, but I will remember her catching me up on the activities of the birds outside her window, her soap opera characters, and my grandpa.  I will remember her desire for her family to do the right thing, all the things she taught me, and her generosity that helped me get through college.

 

I’m not quite sure how to grieve down here in Bolivia, but I am confident that God will bring Heather and I through this here in Bolivia as he brings my family through it back in the States.

Thankful for- Random Hours of Service

When I started typing this post, I realized that it truly has taken an army (or at least that number of people) to get me through this year.  Here are some of the people who have spent time in my classroom or outside of it helping with teaching things.

- Heather has come in once a week to do devotion and spent many hours correcting.  She gets her own post later.

- Adreana (my roommate) came in for two days last semester to help control my kids and subbed for me this semester while I was at camp.  She taught me how to be firm but fun!

- Amy came and taught my class a writing lesson, and taught me how to be a better teacher.

- Danielle and her mom Lisa came and offered their services in October.

- Emily has been faithfully correcting my Spelling workbooks each week.

- Hannah corrected some papers and gave me good teaching advice.

- Beth covered my class the week I was in the United States doing visa stuff.

- Sarah and Naomi came in just this week to take some of my kids out for special testing.

- Samantha comes in sometimes to do whatever I ask her to- correcting, hanging posters, organizing).

I’m sure that I’ve forgotten some of the wonderful people who kept me from total burnout this year, so if you didn’t make the list and you helped- THANK YOU! 

Love one another with brotherly affection… Contribute to the needs of the saints.

-Romans 12:10,13

Growing

It could have been that it was Friday afternoon.  It could have been that they are almost sixth graders now.  Or it could have been that we spent fifteen minutes last week encouraging Rafael to use his leadership skills.

God has been so faithful to my fifth grade class this year, and I experienced proof of that again on Friday.  My students were in a state of near-chaos at the beginning of library class because the person who was supposed to read to them had not showed up yet. 

But then, Rafael’s suggestion to read to the class, a warning to be good listeners, and this happened:

I even had time to run to my classroom, grab a camera, and capture the moment.  I was so proud of my students and so grateful to God for the way He creates moments like this to show me that regardless of my abilities He is in control of all things.

The Faith and Helplessness Required in Accepting God's Provision

I am in the middle of writing thank you notes to supporters to send home with my sister, who leaves in just two days for the US.  With each new card I take out to write on, I am amazed again at the way that God has provided for me while I've been here. 


Although a few of my supporters are consistent monthly, I didn't really have time to ask for people to commit to giving to me while I was here.  Most of my gifts are one-time donations, and I continue to be blown away at the way that God knows exactly what my needs are and provides for them through His body.  In my first six months here, I have never been without the funds to pay for basic necessities-- food, rent, utilities, even internet and transportation.


That said, I am learning a lot because, sometimes, God leaves me waiting to see how my needs will be provided for.  I am in a place of faith that I've never been in before.  I feel helpless at times, not knowing where next month's money will come from.  I'm learning to trust that the same God who has brought me here sustains me.  I'm even learning to love the way that He does it.  


One of my favorite examples:  In my first month of being here I wasn't yet able to ask for any support because my application to work with my mission was still being processed.  I was already teaching at the school and living at my current house, but my first month's rent was almost due and, although I had sufficient funds in my account, I hadn't even brought my bank card with me from the States to withdraw anything (only planning on being here two weeks).  In the crazy rush of the first three weeks of teaching, I didn't even have time to think about needing money.  But God was thinking.


I opened my desk drawer at the end of my third week of teaching and found an envelope with my name on it.  Opening it up, I found the exact amount needed to cover rent, utilities, and transportation for the month.  There was no note enclosed, no signature, no name except mine. I still have no idea where the money came from, but that envelope was the beginning of my trusting in God's provision.


I'm thankful to those people from my church back home and my friends who are supporting me here, and I am thankful to God for the lessons He is teaching me.  I am unworthy of His grace, but unbelievably thankful to share in it.

Faithful for the Long Haul

One week in.


The difference between going into my first week of teaching second semester versus first semester is unbelievable.  I actually know what a teacher is supposed to do.  I know what's expected of me.  I know what my kids are like.


I still have things that I'm facing this semester that sometimes make me want to go hide my head in the sand.  But this I know.  The God who was faithful to me last semester is going to be faithful to me this semester.  His compassions never fail.


Working hard.  Glad to be Miss M.

Mountains=Rest

Recurring theme in the Bible and in my life.


I have been MIA for blogging/Facebook/Twitter the last few days, and it's because Heather and I went here to get away before I start teaching again.

I have much to say about next semester, next year, and life.  It's coming soon.

Faces of 2010

People who have made 2010 special for me.

I definitely missed people, mainly because I didn't have pictures of them.  Thank you everyone for friendship!

Christmas 2010

Honesty:  I have never had a holiday season with so many shed tears, so much homesickness, or such restlessness.  I wanted to be in snowy Wisconsin so much throughout the month of December that I probably became annoying to be around because all of my conversations centered around the current temperature or current conditions in Minneapolis or my little town in Wisconsin.

But God is faithful.  Have I not said that over and over this year, even in this blog?  In spite of my often bad attitude, God blessed me with a wonderful Christmas.  

It started on Christmas Eve with a trip to one of my favorite orphanages, Eben-Ezer, where I have spent many hours working with my boys, each of them with special needs and special hearts.  

Julio-- always ready for a FOTO!

For Christmas Eve night (which is when Bolivian celebrations happen) we went to Cristo Viene Girl's orphanage, where we loved on kids and enjoyed their smiling faces.  

Heather created a pinata, and it was the highlight of the night

On Christmas morning Heather and I went to the annual Single's Stocking Stuffers party.  16 single missionary women gathered and filled one another's stockings with little goodies.  It was good to make a family when we are so far from our own.  

Sister's ready to celebrate!  Please note Heather's great earrings. :)

That afternoon we went to the house of some of my fellow teacher's and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and watched White Christmas (so I did see snow on Christmas Day).

Singing Happy Birthday with banana bread. 

To continue my honesty, every part of me is glad that next year I will be with my family wearing a sweater and jeans for Christmas, but I am also so glad that God called me here this year so that I don't forget that God also left the comfort of heaven to be with us.  I praise Him that people in Bolivia are celebrating because the church was called to go to all nations and spread the joy of the news of Jesus's birth.