Singleness, Growing Up

My Grandma Kay passed away on June 3rd.  I found out the morning of June 4th.  That day was strange as I cooked for a team, went to worship practice for church, and helped serve at the tea fundraiser our church held.  I thought about her all day, but couldn’t be with other people who were thinking about her or who understood what she had been to me. 

Finally, later that night I had time to process a little.  One of the first thoughts that hit me was that my grandma will now never see me get married.  Although kind of a selfish thought, it was one of the more painful realizations that I had that day.  First, it made me realize that she was really gone.  Second, it made me realize how much I had wanted her at my wedding (Lord willing there will ever be one in my future). 

It also made me think that I’m 23, have no boyfriend, and have people around me getting older (just like I am) all the time.  I know that my parents want to still be young when I have kids so they can toss them in the air and babysit (at least I hope they want to babysit) for me.  I know that my other grandma would like to see my wedding before she goes.  My brother and sister-in-law would probably like their kids to have playmates before they are grown up and in college (my twin nieces are already in second grade, so college is really not far off).  My little sister is worried I will never get married, so for her, the sooner it happens the better.

I’m pretty excited about this possibly-one-day event, too, so what does a single 23-year-old girl do?  Trust God’s promises, I guess. 

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
   the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
   from those whose walk is blameless.

Psalm 84:11

 
If He truly is withholding nothing good from me, then He knows why my grandma won’t be at my wedding.  He knows that I want to have kids soon, but He also knows what is good.  I’d rather trust His wisdom than get my way.  Besides, trusting makes it a lot easier for me to keep serving Him where I am now, instead of doing everything in my power to make marriage happen sooner.  As the Psalm 84:12 says,
“O LORD Almighty,
   blessed is the man who trusts in you.”

Singleness, A Poem

I can't believe I'm posting this, but I love it!  There is good truth all through, and it expresses how I and many of my single friends honestly feel.  Especially if you're single, check it out.  It's worth it, and I love the African-American culture in it.










I originally got this video from The Resurgence, so if the video won't play, click on the link.

Singleness, Day by Day

I remember blankets pulled up to chins, giggles, and, later, serious talks.  Sleepovers growing up were full of nonsense, but also plans for our futures. My friends and I would lay out our lives, telling each other how many children we wanted, who we thought we would marry, and what jobs we would have.


23.  The age I always said I would get married at.  I am nearly halfway through my twenty-third year, and barring a miracle (which I do believe in) I will not be getting married this year.  Life is not working out exactly as I had planned when I was thirteen years old.


And I've gone through some phases where I pine.  Where I am discontent, thinking that getting married, having kids, and putting down roots is the only way I'll be happy.  I know the legitimacy of these feelings, and Reader, if that is you right now, I feel you.


But lately there have been no pinings.  It has been enough for me to wake up each morning knowing that, for this day, God has me single here in Bolivia.  It's true that I wouldn't be able to teach 5th grade and be involved in so many ministries here if I were dating or married, but my contentment goes beyond that.  It's a new feeling for me; finding what I need in Christ alone.  His Word has truly become my daily bread.  I need it each morning before I face work and ministry.  And I'm seeing that no other relationship could ever give to me what His love, protection, and care provide.


I have seen that being a single missionary is hard.  This year has made me pray that God will provide me with someone before I go on a lifetime assignment.  But for this time and this place, I am at rest.  I have peace.  If life had gone according to my sleepover schemings, I might not know the reliance on God that I do now.


So be patient in hope.  Seek first His kingdom.  Rejoice in the Lord.  Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord.  God's plans are always for our good.