On Being Back

My last few months in Bolivia were like injecting my veins with friendship speed.  Every day was celebrating something, and I had no end of cool people to celebrate with because they were coming and going, in and out of my country and city.  That's missionary life.

And missionary life was good for my friendships here in the US too, at least for those last few months.  My Facebook wall was always full of kind notes about people excited to see me when I got home.  Home.  As if that place existed to me anymore.


Now I've been back for just under four months.  I'm just beginning to feel settled into a semi-permanent job, a church, and a house.  And I am not on friendship crack anymore. And it's hard for me.  Maybe selfishly, but I liked being the novelty.  I was the gringa who could speak Spanish to my Bolivian friends, and my friends in the US were willing to excuse my bad communication and forgetfulness because I was serving the Lord in a foreign land. And the missionaries.  They were friends who understood my adventurous spirit and why I was willing to serve the way I did.  But my friends in Bolivia, even if they wanted to, do not have consistent internet access to stay in close contact.   My friends here can see my faults up close and personal, and I am just me again to everyone.  


How do I learn to be me, without a ministry or a cultural barrier to cover the parts of me I'd like to hide?  How do I exist exactly as God intends me to in this normal life?  This life means some nights at home with a book, and some days without phone calls. I like those things, but I'm not used to them.  Call it reverse culture shock, call it my third culture, but adjusting to do.

Coming Home

The following is semi-stream-of-consciousness writing about my transition.  It's written more for me than for people who read my blog, but posted for posterity.  


It's 11:17 p.m.  My nieces are spending a few days with us and want to sleep with Auntie Kayleen, but I was watching movies with friends and didn't get home until 10:45.  I just lay between them holding their hands until they fell asleep, but I won't let myself sleep until I set aside some time to process being back here.  Process having two little seven year-olds always wanting to play with me and hold my hand.  Process shopping malls and English-speaking friends and dishwashers.  My world in Bolivia was not living in a mud hut with no outside communication.  I had friends who spoke English, I could shop at supermarkets, I even ate Pringles.  But life is different here.  There are different expectations, different priorities.  

Today at church was hard.  As I walked up to the door with my mom, she greeted the girl holding the door for us, but only by saying hi.  I was actually startled by the fact that there was no hug and kiss like is traditional in Bolivian culture.  Lots of people gave me hugs when I came in  because I was home for the first time in ten months, but it was different from hugs in Bolivia, which are all about finding out how you are and just letting you know you're loved.  Hugs in Fall Creek are wonderful, because they say "You've been gone a long time and we've missed you," but they are different.


Also, tonight I hung out for the first time with non-missionary, non-Bolivian friends.  I was a  little nervous on the way there.  They are friends that I haven't known for a long time, and I worried that I wouldn't be aware enough of pop culture or even of how to be a friend in a North American setting to fit in.  Things were fine in our meal and movie, but I was very quiet, observing a lot more than I talked.  


There is no doubt that I miss Bolivia.  I miss my friends there, the work I had there, the tranquila culture, but I am glad to be here, too.  I start my exciting new adventure soon, and I'm ready to start looking for jobs and a place to live.  I'm ready to renew some friendships here.  I'm ready to serve Christ in a new way again.  I just pray for strength for the task and trust in God's faithfulness.


Song I've been loving my Matt Redman- Never Once

Kneeling on this battle ground 

Seeing just how much You've done 

Knowing every victory 

Is Your power in us 

Never once did we ever walk alone 

Never once did You leave us on our own 

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Highlights- Week 4

It really is crazy to think that I only have two more weeks of Bolivia goodness to post after this update.  I don't think that I will really be able to sit down and put into words all that God has been doing here in the last four weeks until I have some time to sit and think.  For now, life is going at full speed.  The Arrowhead team is doing a great job here, and I have taken a morning off to quickly get many errands run and tasks done.  Here are a few pictures of the last week to keep you updated, along with a few highlights I don't want to forget.

The team arrived late Sunday night, so while they were sleeping Monday morning I sneaked out to have coffee with my church friends.  I will miss them so much!  They have let me be one of them even though I'm not, and their love has helped me make it through this year.  I will miss them!

I will get to go to La Paz with these wonderful ladies.

Since the team came, we've been plunging toilets...

...playing with cute kids...

....saying goodbyes to kids I've gotten close to

...being goofy...

...and working REALLY hard to give them a better place to live (these pictures were taken at two different orphanages, even though we're mainly working at Cristo Viene)

Other highlights of the last week:
- Running errands for the team often, which I love.    
- Running errands with Ellen, who I love.
- Watching and helping high school boys dig a giant trench with joy and a heart of worship
- Having good talks with so many of the team members here. I am emotionally exhausted and restored at the same time.
- Serving mate, a traditional drink, for the first time to team members.




Look forward to highlights with the team this Saturday and a trip to La Paz with North Americans and Bolivians the week after.  

Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.  I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever.  For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

-Psalm 86:11-13

International

Short story about God's work in Bolivia:


Just today I began to realize what it means that I taught at an international school this year.  One of my students who is half Korean and half Bolivian and his Korean mom took me out for lunch.  His mom is a missionary with Child Evangelism Fellowship here in Bolivia, and our lunch was delightful.  We ate lots of meat, and a waiter in a vest came and poured sparkling water into my glass.  We chatted about the weather, our plans, and the previous school year.  


True to Bolivian custom, we didn't actually start talking until we had finished our meal and had only a Coca-Cola in front of us.  Then, my student's mom started telling me her testimony.  Raised in Korea, Borneo, and Bolivia, her story starts with a Buddhist grandfather who was highly respected for having many wives and lost his fortune supporting his many children.  Her grandmother beat her because she ate bread that a missionary once gave her.  She went to VBS in Borneo, but didn't begin to trust God until a Bolivian Catholic priest shared the gospel with her.  


Cross-cultural, common thread.  God's word followed her through three countries and all kinds of religions and cultures.  I have been filled with joy in the way God works.  I am seeing how teaching this year has prepared me more to continue to do God's work of sharing His good news with the nations.

Culture

One of my minors in college was Intercultural Studies.  I love observing culture, being a part of it, trying to fit in (however strangely) in different cultures, and looking at cultures from a biblical perspective. 

 

Recently I’ve been writing some of my observations down and posting them on this new page in my blog.  I hope to continue adding to it in my last few weeks in Bolivia and then as I return to my “home” country.  I think that after my year in Latin America I will never really “fit in” in the US again. I am so glad that our eternal home is in heaven.

Saying goodbye

It’s my last free week here.  The next seven weeks are camp, camp, hang out with camp people, team, team, travel, stop travelling/leave.  It’s weird to have so much time left in this country, but really to be done with my connections here.  I’ve spent my last visits with church people, school people, and some of my friends in the missionary community here.  I’ll be here for another month and a half, but I won’t really be here.

 

My suitcases still sit empty in my room.  My clothes are still hanging up.  I haven’t said goodbye to anyone yet.  It’s like I’m incapable of moving on.  Like I can’t move forward.  Once I finished teaching I realized how much I will hate leaving Bolivia, how much I love it here.  Now it’s warm during the days and cool during the nights, I’m starting to enjoy sitting around while I wait for things to start or people to show up, and I’m loving more than ever taking buses around, shopping in open air markets, and drinking Coca-Cola made from pure cane sugar.

 

I’m not ready to leave.  I’m not even ready for this partial leaving that I’ll be doing on Sunday—transitioning from missionary to team worker.  As I look back on what was probably the hardest year of my life so far, it has also been one of my most joyful.  I made so many mistakes, but I also let God use me in new ways.  I have loved being here in Bolivia, and although I couldn’t be more excited for the life ahead of me, I already miss my life here.

 

Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

- Nehemiah 8:10

Singleness, A Poem

I can't believe I'm posting this, but I love it!  There is good truth all through, and it expresses how I and many of my single friends honestly feel.  Especially if you're single, check it out.  It's worth it, and I love the African-American culture in it.










I originally got this video from The Resurgence, so if the video won't play, click on the link.

My Phillips Dream

My passion:  Seeing God’s word go to all nations. 
My vision:  That people from every tribe, tongue, and nation would praise Him and that I could be a part of that happening.

This year that has meant that I live in Bolivia and teach fifth grade to twenty (mostly) international students.  And I know I am allowing these student’s parents to preach the gospel, and I know that I am impacting lives.  But for years there has been a dream in my heart that, Lord willing, will come to completion this August.
I called the Twin Cities (Minneapolis and St. Paul, MN) home for my four years of college.  There is one neighborhood in Minneapolis that has interested me since the very first time I drove by it and saw the famous LovePower Church sign right off I- 35W.

I first heard of Phillip’s neighborhood my first semester of college when I sat in Speech class and listened to the only minority student in our class talk about where he grew up.  South Minneapolis.  I don’t remember much of the speech, only that I was intrigued.  Then, my sophomore year, I started hearing about the amazing ethnic diversity that exists there.  Ten years ago, the neighborhood was 12% Native American, 29% Black, 22% Latino, 6% Asian, and 31% white.  In recent years, more and more refugees have arrived, making for a total of 100 languages spoken in about one square mile. (Statistics from PNN, Unreached Peoples)  In other words, the nations have come to Minnesota!
Ok, back to the dream.  I want to live in this neighborhood.  I want to be intentional in getting to know my neighbors.  I want to eventually have the opportunity to share the gospel with them!  And it’s so close to being a reality.  Last fall I was ready to move in.  I had a house with wonderful girls from my church to live with, I had job interviews with non-profits that worked with Latinos in the area, and I had plans!  And God had other ones.  He wanted me to teach fifth grade here in Bolivia. 
And to be honest, if God wants me here, then Phillips is a poor substitute for glorifying His name.  Honestly, there have been times this year that I’ve asked God why He didn’t call me to Phillips instead this year.  However, I have never wished to be outside of His will.
But I do feel like God didn’t give me what I have named “The Phillips Dream” for nothing.  I feel like  He just asked me to put it off for one year, to serve Him while I can in filling in a space here that He made just for me.  And I think this fall may be the time that I get to live my dream!

So my future plans?
- Live in Phillips for the next two years, starting in August/September of 2011
- Work with a non-profit organization where I get to use my Spanish and help Latinos in the Twin Cities area
- Become a member of my church there, BBC, and join their Nurture Program (missions training!)
- After two years, become a lifetime missionary wherever God is calling me!
I have learned to leave my plans completely open to God’s will, but I am excited that this might be what He is calling me to. I. Can’t. Wait.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

- Romans 8:28

Penpals

My class has teamed up with the sixth grade classroom (of a woman I really respect) in the U.S. this year.  They are email penpals.  It turns out that half my students know more about computers than I do and half of them don't know how use Google.  


I love the things they are sharing about culture, their faith, and life in general.  Let me share with you some of the things my students find important to share with their peers (Please enjoy their ESL English):


"We have six computers. We don’t live in huts."


 "I’m bilingual, that means I know two languages. I know Yura and Spanish. Do you know any other languages besides English? Have you ever heard about yura? Do you have any indian
blood in you?"


" I am in a Christian school, we believe that GOD came to earth to
save us from are sins. Which belief do you believe? I think that GOD is
very good."

"I get [along] better with my mom, than with my father. I have a little sister. O

she is such a taller tiller [tattletale]."


"My fathers are still married (In Spanish padres means mother and father)."


"I have a question for  you, how is you teacher? Is she Crazy like
mine? HaHaHa (You wouldn't believe how many of these comments there were)"

"My grand father was at world war two in the german side. His name is
Manfred he is already dead he died because his heart stopped beating."

"I am an American but I am a missionary here. I preach with my parents Christianity (I love that he calls himself a missionary.  It's so true!)."

Just wanted you to get to know my students a little better.

Christmas 2010

Honesty:  I have never had a holiday season with so many shed tears, so much homesickness, or such restlessness.  I wanted to be in snowy Wisconsin so much throughout the month of December that I probably became annoying to be around because all of my conversations centered around the current temperature or current conditions in Minneapolis or my little town in Wisconsin.

But God is faithful.  Have I not said that over and over this year, even in this blog?  In spite of my often bad attitude, God blessed me with a wonderful Christmas.  

It started on Christmas Eve with a trip to one of my favorite orphanages, Eben-Ezer, where I have spent many hours working with my boys, each of them with special needs and special hearts.  

Julio-- always ready for a FOTO!

For Christmas Eve night (which is when Bolivian celebrations happen) we went to Cristo Viene Girl's orphanage, where we loved on kids and enjoyed their smiling faces.  

Heather created a pinata, and it was the highlight of the night

On Christmas morning Heather and I went to the annual Single's Stocking Stuffers party.  16 single missionary women gathered and filled one another's stockings with little goodies.  It was good to make a family when we are so far from our own.  

Sister's ready to celebrate!  Please note Heather's great earrings. :)

That afternoon we went to the house of some of my fellow teacher's and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and watched White Christmas (so I did see snow on Christmas Day).

Singing Happy Birthday with banana bread. 

To continue my honesty, every part of me is glad that next year I will be with my family wearing a sweater and jeans for Christmas, but I am also so glad that God called me here this year so that I don't forget that God also left the comfort of heaven to be with us.  I praise Him that people in Bolivia are celebrating because the church was called to go to all nations and spread the joy of the news of Jesus's birth.

Midnight Serenade: Cultural Expectation

Last night I had the pleasure of getting to experience my first truly cultural Bolivian birthday tradition: the midnight serenade.


On the eve of a person's birthday here, his or her friends gather just before midnight to sneak up to the cumpleanero's window.  Outside, when it is officially midnight, there is a whole list of songs that can be sung to the sleepy cumpleanero.  My friend Emilee just came to Bolivia two weeks ago to teach at the school, and today is her birthday.  I went along with some friends from church and school and sang to her last night. SO MUCH FUN.

Sneaking around until midnight

The men led us with a great song

 When the guys from our church first started serenading her, Emilee (who has never experienced a serenata before, was scared out of her mind.

Emilee realizes she can breathe again.

The gringas joined in with the songs we know

Traditionally everyone is invited inside after the serenade for snacks

Checking out Christmas lights

We ended our evening with a little bilingual worship session!

Yay for serenades!  Yay for friends here!

Forgetful

In the midst of my week full of questions as to why I'm here this year and why I am teaching 5th grade when I am not certified and have to remember how to do the math I am teaching my kids I had to remind myself often that God called me here.  I remembered that He is faithful (I even remembered sometimes that I only have 6 1/2 months of school left..shhhh).  But I had forgotten that I am serving a God who is POWERFUL!


I decided that my Sunday was truly going to be a Sabbath today.  I did everything I needed to do for school yesterday, so this afternoon I had a few hours in between church to just refocus.  I finally am reading Knowing God, which I started this summer.  In Chapter 2 Packer is talking about "The People Who Know Their God," and, in speaking of Daniel, he says, "Those who know God have great thoughts of God...These were the thoughts of God which filled Daniel's mind...'Praise be to the name of God for ever  and ever; wisdom and power are His.  He changes times and seasons; He sets up kings and deposes them.  He gives wisdom.  He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with Him.' "  


I had forgotten that the God who brought me to Bolivia is powerful to conquer my fears.  He is powerful to break down barriers that Satan has set up.  He is powerful to work change in the lives of ten and eleven year-olds.


Please pray for me this week as I let God's power stand me up on my feet and give me wisdom and authority to teach as He has called me to.


Pray also as I try to figure out how to budget my time, as I could easily spend twelve hours a day at school but feel that God is calling me to serve in some side ministries as well.


So well-known but so true:

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

-Phil. 3:14

Cultural Adaptation

It's late Saturday night, and I have to be at church early tomorrow morning to practice for worship team, but this post has been itching in my fingers to be typed for so long that it just needs to come out.


For the last few weeks I've felt this giant propensity towards selfishness.  The culture of Bolivia requires a person to greet every person in a room upon entering and say good bye to every one of them upon leaving.  It requires a polite American to spend 30 minutes making small talk with the parents of her student so that she can get to the point.  In the upper-class environment that I work in, it also means that if a parent has a problem with my teaching, he or she goes to the director of the school before letting me know that anything is wrong.  The missionaries here are so thinly stretched (SEND MORE WORKERS, GOD) that I feel so involved in side ministries that there is hardly time for teaching-- a tendency that already comes much too easily to me. 


Also, it is so HOT here!  It makes me cranky sometimes.


These stretches on my time, my body, my personality, and my pride make me want to hole myself up in my room, make me want to escape to familiarity, make me want to daydream of the life I could be living in the US this year, make me want to treat those around me like I don't care about them.  I was feeling so burdened by the weight of my sinful selfishness that in desperation I cried out to God, "If you say that 'my yolk is easy and my burden is light' then why do I feel heavy and like everything is a struggle?!?"  He answered me in three ways.


First, He says that His yolk is easy and burden light when we come to Him.  I was neglecting to do that in my moments of being lost in teaching or overwhelmed by ministry.


Second, a good friend and fellow (veteran) teacher reminded me that what I'm feeling is normal for someone in their first 1-5 months in a new country.  Yes, there are times when I need to fight the temptation to be selfish, but there are also times when I need to also realize why I'm feeling selfish and see what I can do to understand the situations that I'm in (or give up trying to understand them).


Finally, we have in our sin nature a tendency to make ourselves first and most important.  In my study of Philippians, God has reminded me that, as I help myself through this transition, I also must look to the interests of others.  I have to fight this desire to withdraw, knowing that at the root of it is me trying to make myself most important.  


I had lost my desire to serve, my desire to worship in joyful action.  I praise God that He is beginning to show me how to recover those desires.


Tonight I learned that we're singing Onward Christian Soldier (in Spanish) in church tomorrow.   "Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise"  It is God's work and our praise of it that will eradicate this sin at its core.  May I be in such praise of Him that there is no room left for sin in me.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

-Philippians 2:3-4

FULL Day

Today was so full I just need to write what I did so that I don't forget.


1.  My kids earned a party, so I took popcorn and refresco to school and we watched The Borrowers.  This one was so much more chill than our last party.
2. Parent Teacher Conferences!  I was so nervous; sweating a lot, but they went really well.
3.  Lunch with one of my student's families.  They were so great!  I had lots of fun and ate a typical Bolivian dish with chicken, rice, and tomato/onion salad.
4. Played Wii with my student.
5. Went to the violin concert of another student.  Great Bolivian/Korean/Dutch/United States experience.
6.  American pizza with Korean and Bolivian stories.
7. Waiting for sleep.


So tired.  So glad to be living in another culture for a year.  


P.S.  I actually love being with people.