Now This Is Life

I haven’t been posting very frequently anymore, and as I was reflecting on that fact a few days ago, it occurred to me that maybe that’s because I feel like I’m really in my life now.  Last year I was in a new culture and country and I needed to share all that was going on in my heart and life.  Now life is slightly more normal, and I’m comfortable just sharing with those around me.

 

I think there’s also something different about being me again.  Last year I was Kayleen the Volunteer Teacher.  I could hide behind that part of my identity and speak from there.  Now I am Kayleen the Kayleen, and talking about living in my neighborhood is talking about me taking full responsibility for my thoughts and judgments and decisions.  This time in my life will be very special—being exposed to inner-city life and culture before I go on the mission field and possibly my last years as a single—but I think the struggles that it will carry are ones that will begin to define who I am.  Problems that I view as struggles here (finding a church family where I belong, being content to live on a limited budget, dealing with my procrastinating nature) will be struggles for me in the rest of my life.  Sharing those things is opening myself up and being raw.

 

But I think the sharing is worth it.  I want my life to be a witness to God’s power, and my weaknesses often best show His strength.  So I think you can count on the next two years.  You can count on updates and struggles and joys.  And after those two years maybe you can read about my travels to another new land, a new people, and God’s power.  May all of the things that I share glorify God can exalt Him above all else.

On Being Back

My last few months in Bolivia were like injecting my veins with friendship speed.  Every day was celebrating something, and I had no end of cool people to celebrate with because they were coming and going, in and out of my country and city.  That's missionary life.

And missionary life was good for my friendships here in the US too, at least for those last few months.  My Facebook wall was always full of kind notes about people excited to see me when I got home.  Home.  As if that place existed to me anymore.


Now I've been back for just under four months.  I'm just beginning to feel settled into a semi-permanent job, a church, and a house.  And I am not on friendship crack anymore. And it's hard for me.  Maybe selfishly, but I liked being the novelty.  I was the gringa who could speak Spanish to my Bolivian friends, and my friends in the US were willing to excuse my bad communication and forgetfulness because I was serving the Lord in a foreign land. And the missionaries.  They were friends who understood my adventurous spirit and why I was willing to serve the way I did.  But my friends in Bolivia, even if they wanted to, do not have consistent internet access to stay in close contact.   My friends here can see my faults up close and personal, and I am just me again to everyone.  


How do I learn to be me, without a ministry or a cultural barrier to cover the parts of me I'd like to hide?  How do I exist exactly as God intends me to in this normal life?  This life means some nights at home with a book, and some days without phone calls. I like those things, but I'm not used to them.  Call it reverse culture shock, call it my third culture, but adjusting to do.

I’ve moved!

After two months of the daily commute, of living over 30 min. from work, school, and church, I am happily settled in a beautiful house in the middle of the Phillips neighborhood of Minneapolis.

 

 

Yesterday when I got home from work one of my new housemates had also just gotten home, and she invited me to go with her to walk to the local Somali mall to get a cup of chai.  On our walk it was clear that our neighborhood is far from perfect—our house has just been remodeled and is in good shape, but several need lots of TLC, young kids walk themselves home from school, and threatening graffiti is a reminder that we need to be cautious.  However, this area is wonderful, too.  Our two white faces in a sea of black at the mall, friendly greetings from people who recognize my housemate on the walk, and people flying by in the bike lanes before it is too cold to run errands this way.

 

There are many here from people groups who are completely closed to the gospel.  I pray that the light of our house will shine beyond just the front porch and into the hearts of those who need Good News.

 

I am feeling so content to be where I am right now.  I live within walking distance of the school I work at.  A walk around the neighborhood makes it clear that I am the minority, and the young women I live with are excited to be here as well.

 

I just want to clarify that I don’t want to write about where I live without leaving out the cultural and racial diversity that exists, here, but I never want to sound or be prejudiced in my words.  I am here to create justice and equality, so if my words ever sound prejudiced, please leave a comment!  After growing up in Scandinavian Wisconsin, I’m still learning how to correctly express what’s on my heart when it comes to the racial injustices I see in the world.

Wow!  I haven't written all week.  Maybe waking up at 3:30 every morning to be at work on time had something to do with it, but whatever the reason, I am sorry.

I have some big news that I might share next week if everything works out!!!  God has been answering my prayers in His usual unconventional ways, and I am so grateful.  It is a good story.  (And no, for those moms reading, there is no cute boy in this story).

In other news, I am slowly advancing in Greek, and it is so exciting!  To be able to lose myself in grammar and vocabulary again reminds me why I chose to study linguistics.  I pray that Greek is not the last language that I learn.  

Work has physically exhausted me.  My feet feel like all the blood has pooled to them, and my hands are a picture of all the coffee drinks I have handled in the last week.  However, I am feeling more emotionally tired than anything else.  With four interviews in the last two and a half weeks and so many other changes happening in my life, I knew I needed to do something.  My solution to my weariness is...to go visit my nieces and nephews in northern Wisconsin this weekend!  I will try to take and post pictures.

Ok, that's my quick update.  Much more information about wonderful news pending the Spanish test of my life.  Pray for me!

Ready for Stability

Have I mentioned lately that I love the women I'm living with right now?  They are so godly and are teaching me so much about trusting in God's timing, a lesson I'm finding harder and harder to put into practice.


As much as I love living with these ladies, I can't get over the commute.  Over thirty minutes to get to my current job at a coffee shop.  Exactly thirty to get to the place I interview at tomorrow, and thirty-five to get to where I interviewed at today.  So why am I working/looking for jobs so far away?  These places are all in South Minneapolis.  I wish I could describe to you why I am so drawn to this area.  Let me start with my commute.  Everyday I go into the city, my first fifteen minutes are listening to John Piper and traffic-weaving.  Then, I round the corner by exit 25 and the startling skyline of downtown Minneapolis greets me.  The towering skyscrapers are my goal as I coax my little Ford Focus up to 70 to get past a big truck.  Just when I could exit right to get to those skyscrapers, I instead stay left to take 55 to skirt around the craziness.  A few blocks south and east, I turn right, and there I enter another world.  Suddenly, most people I see aren't the same color as me.  Houses are bright colors, driving takes on a fight-for-survival feel, and life slows down. I wouldn't walk alone in Powderhorn at night, but during the day Latino families stroll down the sidewalks and shops sell Halal meat and special rices.  Signs are in Spanish and English and/or Arabic or Amharic.  There is also need in this area.  One neon sign on my way to work proclaims "Metal detectors sold here."  Some houses are unkempt, and it's not uncommon to see a person holding a cardboard sign asking for food or money.  


Diversity meets need.  My passions (cultures and languages) meet my desire (to help those in need).  This is why I want to live in South Minneapolis, and that is why, as much as I love my roommates, I want to move soon to a house in South Minneapolis to live with other wonderful girls from my church.  I'm ready to stay put in one place for a few years.  I'm ready for stability, and I'm ready to have a neighborhood to call home and share Jesus with.  Pray with me that all of  this happens in God's perfect timing.

My New Home

You might remember a post I wrote back in February about living in South Minneapolis.  That is still my dream.  I want to live among and work with the people there.  I don't yet feel a call to one specific country to do long-term ministry, but I do feel called now to this neighborhood.  I have a house all picked out there, wonderful girls to live with, and a job lined up working in the area.  But the house I want to live in is full right now.


I can't live in a full house.


So, I found a wonderful solution.  Until a space in the house opens up, I'm living with my friend Ellen in her beautiful house north of the Twin Cities.  There are four of us Northwestern grad (or current workers at NWC) ladies living in this house, and it's wonderful!  There are walking trails nearby, it's in a great neighborhood, and it's in driving distance of my job.  

Praise God for in-between seasons.

Jobless self-esteem

I am unemployed.  I'd say it will be official in about 7 days,when I will have actually been back in the country for a month.  I was under my missions' support through July, but I have been income-free for this month.  I planned for this, and I think it's fair to say that I could take a month to "get settled" in this country and find a job, but at the end of this coming week my month will be over.  I have applied for tens of jobs, but the market is tough right now.  I'm finding that a bachelor's in linguistics doesn't exactly equate to highly hireable, especially in non-profit organizations, which is mostly where I'm applying.


Honestly, the hardest part of transitioning back has probably been my dependency on those around me, and spending more money than I'm bringing in.  I've had to invest (albeit the thrift store type of invest) in professional clothing for all those interviews I'm supposed to be getting.  I've made more phone calls in this month than I probably made all year in Bolivia.  I've searched for contacts, I've used connections, and I'm starting to get tired.  I'm also starting to panic and question.  Am I really doing God's will?  Should I follow this dream that I had, that I felt called to, if not all the pieces are falling into place?  Is God strengthening my faith by making me wait for employment, or is this a sign to turn around?  


Well, this morning I realized I had run out of time to casually bring this problem before God and ask for wisdom.  It was time to pray hard, because I was driving to my church in Minneapolis to become a member there.  Living in Mom's basement and driving two hours to church each week is a bad idea.  So, I thought, I prayed, and I remembered why the Twin Cities is my next step-- to further the gospel.  I knew theoretically, and after Bolivia know experientially, that I can be a much better missionary with more training and more experience living cross-culturally.  I'm ready to live in the urban setting of South Minneapolis as I study my Bible, work with those in need, and step forward in faith. Lord willing, I'll be moving to the Twin Cities on September 1 whether I have a job or not.  I am walking on a path, and ahead of me is only fog.  I can't tell whether the ground is rocky or smooth, I can even tell if I'm walking off a cliff.  But walk I will.

Highlights- Week 4

It really is crazy to think that I only have two more weeks of Bolivia goodness to post after this update.  I don't think that I will really be able to sit down and put into words all that God has been doing here in the last four weeks until I have some time to sit and think.  For now, life is going at full speed.  The Arrowhead team is doing a great job here, and I have taken a morning off to quickly get many errands run and tasks done.  Here are a few pictures of the last week to keep you updated, along with a few highlights I don't want to forget.

The team arrived late Sunday night, so while they were sleeping Monday morning I sneaked out to have coffee with my church friends.  I will miss them so much!  They have let me be one of them even though I'm not, and their love has helped me make it through this year.  I will miss them!

I will get to go to La Paz with these wonderful ladies.

Since the team came, we've been plunging toilets...

...playing with cute kids...

....saying goodbyes to kids I've gotten close to

...being goofy...

...and working REALLY hard to give them a better place to live (these pictures were taken at two different orphanages, even though we're mainly working at Cristo Viene)

Other highlights of the last week:
- Running errands for the team often, which I love.    
- Running errands with Ellen, who I love.
- Watching and helping high school boys dig a giant trench with joy and a heart of worship
- Having good talks with so many of the team members here. I am emotionally exhausted and restored at the same time.
- Serving mate, a traditional drink, for the first time to team members.




Look forward to highlights with the team this Saturday and a trip to La Paz with North Americans and Bolivians the week after.  

Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.  I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever.  For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

-Psalm 86:11-13

Highlights- Week 3

Ok, so it's Wednesday and I haven't updated yet.  This will probably be my only post this week because having teams is CRAZY!  So, here are pictures with labels:

I stayed in my first hostel in a mountain town not far from my city.  It was very cute!

View of the city from a beautiful garden!

Tea that was part of a delicious meal at same garden

Cute and FREEZING breakfast at cute hostel.

We went to a refuge for abandoned animals and had monkeys sit on us!

I took a picture with a pig because the monkeys weren't behaving.  :)

For the US Independence Day we had a North American celebration with brats!

Then I tried my hand at making Bolivian food for a special goodbye service that the church had for me and one other boy who was leaving.  This is the beginning of Sonzo, which is a Bolivian appetizer with yuca and cheese.

This is the worship team I have been a part of all year!  I will miss these wonderful people!

People came up front and said words of encouragement (the way I am most loved!) to Steven and I.  I was very blessed by this time.

So, overall, last week was the calm in-between the storms.  I rested, I enjoyed time with friends, and I was able to begin ending my time here well.  


This week things are crazy, but God is being very good to me.

Highlights- Week 2

God has been faithful to me again, just like he always is.  This week I spent many hours with wonderful high school students and got to see them grow in their faith and be challenged to live for God at all times.  


I was not as faithful.  In taking pictures, that is.  However, I like to try to make up for my faults.  So... I, the artist (snicker snicker) drew you pictures on Paint to show you the highlights of my week.  Please enjoy.

This is at BASIC with high school students.  The students are happy because they learned so much about God.  Their hair is curly and wild to represent their youth.  I am happy because God taught me more about Himself.  My hair is straight because I am an adult.

Then, the students left on Friday, and I began my week of long and hard goodbyes.  First, I brought my friend Ally some coffee at her house.

Note the steam coming from the cups.  Picture not quite to scale.

On Saturday I had the opportunity to go to a cancer hospital in the city to share the gospel with some of the patients.  It was one of the first times I've had to share the gospel with so little context and in Spanish.  I loved the experience and hope to try again before I leave since we tried to bring some toys for the kids but were told to come back another day for that.

This is me holding a Bible and sharing the gospel.  

Today I had a wonderful (also pictureless) day at church and with the team who is down.  


Look forward to (with real pictures): A trip to the mountains with the team, more goodbyes, and moving out of my room.

And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.

- 2 Timothy 2:2

Highlights- Week 1

The next five weeks are my last in Bolivia (gulp, throat swelling, tear).  They are going to be CRAZY BUSY!!!  So, starting with last week (which will make for a total of six weeks), I’ll be posting a weekend (hopefully) post with some pictures and maybe a few words about my week.  The rest of my posts will be ones that I write whenever I have time and schedule to post throughout the week. 

Look forward to:
- Lots of high school and college students learning about and serving God in Bolivia.
- Goodbye dates with friends here.
- A trip to La Paz, Bolivia!

Last week and this coming week I am working with high school students from the school I taught at this year.  A team from my camp back home has flown down to lead a discipleship camp for them!  Here’s an idea of what our first week looked like.

Delicious fresh papaya from the garden

Loved this face too much to not include

Team-building activity

Fancy banquet after our day of service

The wonderful leaders I'm working with (minus a few)

A few students

Hello dessert that tasted United Statesy!

Twenty-three Places

As I transition from school teacher and worship team singer to dish washer and camp counselor, I am feeling pulled in a million directions.  No part of me wants to be vulnerable with all the new people who are going to be coming into my life in the next four months.  Massive transition


June: Discipleship camp
July: Work team/travel with friends
August: Home with family in WI
September: New life in MN


To use Matt Wertz's album title, I feel pulled in twenty-three places.  His song "Falling Off the Face of the Earth" fits my mood today.


Stay away from me
Cause I'll be gone soon
It's just so hard to let go once we've grabbed hold
It's nothing that you've done
You're not the only one
I'm just learning to be in twenty-three places

And I'm falling off the face of the earth
Crashing into bridges I burn
And I'm falling off the face of the earth
But I'll be home soon

Is this how the story goes
When rubber meets the road
Waving goodbye is so hard without hello

And I'm falling off the face of the earth
Crashing into bridges I burn
And I'm falling off the face of the earth
But I'll be home soon

I keep forgetting to
Keep you an arms length aways

Because I'm falling off the face of the earth
Crashing into bridges I burn
And I'm falling off the face of the earth
But I'll be home soon


I'm homesick for heaven

Long Time Coming

I apologize for the absence.  I was teaching and a part of my mission's conference last week, so there was not time to write.  This weekend I was so overwhelmed with things that I wanted to say that nothing came out at all.  So, I'll do highlights of the last week or so, then I'll pick a few things that I really want to say and post longer posts about those, maybe even tonight.  I feel as though I could write forever right now.


- I feel like God has given me some direction for my future!  Not an exact path, maybe, but some fog may be clearing.
- Teaching has not been easy since I last posted, but God is sustaining me with joy and hope by the power of His Spirit (Romans 15:13) daily.
- I have decided to make Romans 15:13 the theme of my year.  See above for why.
- I gave my students valentines, and saw how if I were not single this year God could not have used me in the same ways that He has.
- I have been very encouraged from home.  Dr. Storm sent me Missing-the-Snow medication, a family from my camp made me a wonderful video, and my mom and dad both have been so supportive all year that I really just want to hug them repeatedly.
- God reminded me why I am so passionate about all nations hearing His good news.  
- The Packers WON THE SUPERBOWL!  I cried through the first quarter because I missed my dad and tradition, but then was blissfully distracted by activity around me.  I am blessed to have been able to watch it.
- After a wonderful Christmas break of kicking my coffee habit, I have grudgingly returned to daily doses.  One day last week I had three cups in one day (so terrible for me!).  I will be trying for more sleep and less coffee.


So much more to say, so little time.  Joyfully serving God here in Bolivia!