I realize that this post is long overdue, and I am guilty of wanting to write in here but not wanting to take the time to do it.
I am the prayer coordinator for our missions fellowship on campus next year. Me. The prayer coordinator. I feel so inadequate. I have been struggling with these feelings since last Thursday when I met with the prayer coordinator from last year and just realized how much God has gifted her in prayer. I don't have those same gifts. Prayer for me is a spiritual discipline that often is just that- something I discipline myself to do.
Don't get me wrong, I like praying, and I love that the God who created me wants to hear from me and cares about what I have to say and responds when I cry out to Him in accordance with His Word. It's just that I am weak. I am so easily distracted in my praying. I find a quiet place, begin to seek God, and next week's schedule pops into my head. I realize a wonderful thing God has done, begin to praise Him, and I start running my accomplishments through my mind. I start to intercede for a friend, and my last conversation with that friends starts to worry me, or make me happy, or just DISTRACT me.
I am confident that if God has placed me in this position for next year, He will use me. I'm not sure if I'm taking this verse a little out of context when I say that my situation is like in Romans 8:26, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." In my weakness of praying God will intercede when I cannot. Anyway, I do know that He will use me even though I am unworthy. I look forward to all I will learn about prayer, but I am still pretty scared. I guess I just don't even know what to do or think. What a wonderful way to end.