Insider Outsider

This weekend I was made an offer that I couldn’t refuse for a gym membership in the ritzy neighborhood just a few miles away from my house here in Phillips. I’m glad for this opportunity because I do need to get in shape, and winter in Minnesota isn’t the best motivator for outside workouts.  The gym is really nice and I think that I get healthier just by walking in the door.


But this new identity that I have, member of this gym, makes me feel a little more like an outsider in the circles I am working to be a part of.  I have the extra spare change per month that my membership will cost—families I know are struggling just to put food on the table (which was me last month, but with only myself to support and no debt, my financial situation didn’t take very long to become semi-stable).  Why didn’t I use this extra money to help out those families?  What about the time that I will spend at that gym instead of building intentional relationships with my neighbors.  Was it really worth it?


How do I live in this world but not be of it?  Where is the line between being a responsible young professional and living an abandoned life of grace?  Is there even a line?  Can they possibly flow together for this missionary-wannabe?  I challenge you to pray for me as these questions become a part of my daily struggle, and also to examine your heart to see where your motives are for seemingly inconsequential decisions that you make each day.


I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

- Psalm 130:5-6

1 comment:

  1. Kayleen - one of my lately discovered (ok, so last spring) new favorite bands is called Sons of Korah. They basically sing Psalms, and one my favorites is Psalm 130. If you're interested, check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCiKJCI7hyw

    (You quoting from that Psalm reminded me.)


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