Jobless self-esteem

I am unemployed.  I'd say it will be official in about 7 days,when I will have actually been back in the country for a month.  I was under my missions' support through July, but I have been income-free for this month.  I planned for this, and I think it's fair to say that I could take a month to "get settled" in this country and find a job, but at the end of this coming week my month will be over.  I have applied for tens of jobs, but the market is tough right now.  I'm finding that a bachelor's in linguistics doesn't exactly equate to highly hireable, especially in non-profit organizations, which is mostly where I'm applying.

Honestly, the hardest part of transitioning back has probably been my dependency on those around me, and spending more money than I'm bringing in.  I've had to invest (albeit the thrift store type of invest) in professional clothing for all those interviews I'm supposed to be getting.  I've made more phone calls in this month than I probably made all year in Bolivia.  I've searched for contacts, I've used connections, and I'm starting to get tired.  I'm also starting to panic and question.  Am I really doing God's will?  Should I follow this dream that I had, that I felt called to, if not all the pieces are falling into place?  Is God strengthening my faith by making me wait for employment, or is this a sign to turn around?  

Well, this morning I realized I had run out of time to casually bring this problem before God and ask for wisdom.  It was time to pray hard, because I was driving to my church in Minneapolis to become a member there.  Living in Mom's basement and driving two hours to church each week is a bad idea.  So, I thought, I prayed, and I remembered why the Twin Cities is my next step-- to further the gospel.  I knew theoretically, and after Bolivia know experientially, that I can be a much better missionary with more training and more experience living cross-culturally.  I'm ready to live in the urban setting of South Minneapolis as I study my Bible, work with those in need, and step forward in faith. Lord willing, I'll be moving to the Twin Cities on September 1 whether I have a job or not.  I am walking on a path, and ahead of me is only fog.  I can't tell whether the ground is rocky or smooth, I can even tell if I'm walking off a cliff.  But walk I will.

1 comment:

  1. Go Kayleen go. But go with God's strength, which I believe you are doing after reading this post.

    I'm glad you posted, because I've been missing those updates. I'm also glad to kow more about how I can pray for you right now.

    Also, ya know, should your traveler feet decide to settle a bit, would you send me your address?
    I don't only write letters to people in Bolivia. ; )


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