Dolor y esperanza

Como pienso que nadie lee este blog excepto que yo- y como necesito como nada practicar mi español- voy a escribir éste en castellano. Este fin de semana tenía la oportunidad de hablar con uno de mis amigos que recién fue a Bolivia por poco tiempo más que yo y con propósito similar. Era una charla buenísima. La cosa es que después de hablar por tanto tiempo de Bolivia y escuchar tantos cosas de allí, quiero visitar otra vez. Tengo que orar que si Dios no me quiere allí que toque mi corazón con propósito diferente.


Es asombroso cómo Dios usa los personas que van por allí por Su gloria. Noté que mi amigo ayudó mucho con la tarea en el hogar Talita Cumi, y con su presencia en Cristo Viene niños, y es obvio que la gente allí será impactada por su visita. Me anima que Dios sea glorificado a través de sus siervos débiles- porque estos somos.
Mi corazón está lleno de deseos de ver el evangelio predicado tras el mundo, y quiero que Dios sea alabado en cada lengua, nación, y pueblo. Señor, úseme.

Feeling busy

I so often get this feeling that if my planner isn't sufficiently filled with activities to keep me busy for most of the day I'm not doing good enough. This past semester was filled with that feeling. I had two jobs, neither of which ended up giving me half as many hours as I was expecting, and I took 17 credits, which was smallest load since my freshman year. I had free time, and I was justifiably upset with myself that too much of that time was spent watching episodes of Boy Meets World on Youtube or thinking about the things I should be doing.

This lack of activity isn't all bad, though. I opened myself to so many new oportunities and experiences. I got involved in the Spanish-speaking church plant that Bethlehem is doing, which was great for my Spanish and began a few new relationships. I got to spend more time with girls on my hall doing crazy stuff. I volunteered in an adult ESL class once a week, and I ended up loving it. In the ESL class I tutored the same Taiwanese girl, Lesley, almost every week. Because this class is through my church, there are lots of opportunities to share the gospel, and I did get to share with her exactly what I believed a few times. It's crazy that I got so upset about not making money and getting as many classes as possible in my schedule, when God was using me to accomplish His will in a different way than I had planned. I am definitely learning to be more open to what He has for me. His plans are perfect.

Ponderings

I realize that this post is long overdue, and I am guilty of wanting to write in here but not wanting to take the time to do it.
I am the prayer coordinator for our missions fellowship on campus next year. Me. The prayer coordinator. I feel so inadequate. I have been struggling with these feelings since last Thursday when I met with the prayer coordinator from last year and just realized how much God has gifted her in prayer. I don't have those same gifts. Prayer for me is a spiritual discipline that often is just that- something I discipline myself to do.
Don't get me wrong, I like praying, and I love that the God who created me wants to hear from me and cares about what I have to say and responds when I cry out to Him in accordance with His Word. It's just that I am weak. I am so easily distracted in my praying. I find a quiet place, begin to seek God, and next week's schedule pops into my head. I realize a wonderful thing God has done, begin to praise Him, and I start running my accomplishments through my mind. I start to intercede for a friend, and my last conversation with that friends starts to worry me, or make me happy, or just DISTRACT me.
I am confident that if God has placed me in this position for next year, He will use me. I'm not sure if I'm taking this verse a little out of context when I say that my situation is like in Romans 8:26, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." In my weakness of praying God will intercede when I cannot. Anyway, I do know that He will use me even though I am unworthy. I look forward to all I will learn about prayer, but I am still pretty scared. I guess I just don't even know what to do or think. What a wonderful way to end.

Promises

I have a new favorite song. My favorite song is known to change weekly, but this one is really good, so I had to share it. I just love thinking about the words, and I like the song itself too. I've liked Matt Wertz's stuff for a long time, and I'm so glad he keeps making good music even though he still hasn't made it big.

I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
while the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away
I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always, look to me
And I will give you what you need
I will not take my love away

John 10:27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. 30 I and the Father are one."

The Weak and Fatherless

Psalm 82:3-4 Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

Lately I have often made Asaph's cry to God my own as I see the hurt that is going on in this world. My eyes have been opened through movies like Trade, Australia, and Boy in the Striped Pajamas. They've also been opened through my personal experiences-- seeing abuse marks on the cutest little kids in Bolivia, talking with my campers this summer, and working with the homeless here in Minneapolis. My own heart hurts when I see the hurts of others.

I have been realizing that I can't live my life they way much of the world does, turning a blind eye to all that goes on. It's not that I can't ever be happy or that I have to deprive myself of every good thing, but I want to remember every day that I am very blessed to have the life that I do, and that God wants to use me to reach the poor, oppressed, weak, and fatherless. He cares for them just as He cares for me. I may be going to school now, but that doesn't mean that I need to live my life here without doing anything for those hurting around me. I need to reach out to the many hurting people in Minneapolis, in my little suburb, and even at my school. My ministry doesn't stop just because during this time in my life I am being filled and trained. I am learning to teach others, and I'm being loved to love others.

I can't cure the world of its hurt, and nothing that I do would be even worthwhile except that God has called to me to reach out to those who are hurt, and He will use me to do that as long as I allow Him to work in me and follow His leading. I have no hope of ever really seeing a world that is happy and without war or hunger, but I do have the hope that some people can be shown that they can rise above their circumstances. I do have hope that some of the injustice happening in the world can be stopped. I have hope that God's light can be shone on those who need Him, and that those who are hurting can find healing in His arms.

Amor inexplicable

This is what I feel for Spanish. A love that I can't explain. I just finished reading my story that I have to do an assignment on for next week, and I wish I could explain how it gives me happiness to know that I just read and understood a story in a different language, that I worked through the parts that I don't know, and that God has given me the privilege of loving every minute of what some people really dread.
Actually, maybe that's just what I feel for language. Tonight I'm going to go sit in on my school's Chinese class, and I'm pretty pumped for that. I know like three phrases in Chinese, and I hope to maybe learn it soonish.
Words are powerful, and God is allowing me to go to school to learn how they are used across cultures and how their intricacies have been designed, not so much intentionally by us, but to some extent innately (or by God's leading). I don't understand how it all works even, and I am blown away by it. May I glorify Him in my study.

Where does time go?

Spring break is over and I'm back at school, ready (or not so ready) to start again tomorrow. I was home for all of the break, and I got some good things done, but I also wasted a lot of time. Sure, my teeth hurt and I did need rest, but I kind of overdid the sitting on the couch thing.
As I come back to school, I'm coming back to a crazy schedule and a lot of things going on. My question is, how am I going to spend my free time? I have been praying for at least the last year that God would cause me to really hunger and thirst for Him, and I do more than I did, but my times in His precious Word have been way too shallow lately. I want to dive deep into His waters and have my thirst satiated. I want devotion to Him. I want to not be able to get enough. I realize that I contradicted myself there, but I guess what I mean is that I want to be so satisfied with God's word when I'm reading it, and then when I'm not reading it I NEED it.
May God teach me what it is to truly follow Him.