My Grandma Kay passed away on June 3rd. I found out the morning of June 4th. That day was strange as I cooked for a team, went to worship practice for church, and helped serve at the tea fundraiser our church held. I thought about her all day, but couldn’t be with other people who were thinking about her or who understood what she had been to me.
Finally, later that night I had time to process a little. One of the first thoughts that hit me was that my grandma will now never see me get married. Although kind of a selfish thought, it was one of the more painful realizations that I had that day. First, it made me realize that she was really gone. Second, it made me realize how much I had wanted her at my wedding (Lord willing there will ever be one in my future).
It also made me think that I’m 23, have no boyfriend, and have people around me getting older (just like I am) all the time. I know that my parents want to still be young when I have kids so they can toss them in the air and babysit (at least I hope they want to babysit) for me. I know that my other grandma would like to see my wedding before she goes. My brother and sister-in-law would probably like their kids to have playmates before they are grown up and in college (my twin nieces are already in second grade, so college is really not far off). My little sister is worried I will never get married, so for her, the sooner it happens the better.
I’m pretty excited about this possibly-one-day event, too, so what does a single 23-year-old girl do? Trust God’s promises, I guess.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
If He truly is withholding nothing good from me, then He knows why my grandma won’t be at my wedding. He knows that I want to have kids soon, but He also knows what is good. I’d rather trust His wisdom than get my way. Besides, trusting makes it a lot easier for me to keep serving Him where I am now, instead of doing everything in my power to make marriage happen sooner. As the Psalm 84:12 says,
“O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.”