If You Can't Say Anything Nice

The title of this post is definitely what kept me from posting earlier this week.  Monday through Wednesday was a hard stretch for me.  Heather left on Monday to go back to our home in Wisconsin for six weeks.  Now, six weeks does not sound that long to me.  But six months does.  And I miss my family A LOT.  That's how long I have to wait to see them.  Knowing that my sister got to see my little sister in her new apartment couldn't mean anything other than lots of tears.

So I was not ready to write anything nice.  I was just pretty weepy.  And pitying myself.  Who has to go an entire year without seeing their incredibly sweet and adorable six year-old twin nieces?  Why would God do that to a person?

God would do that to a person He wants to show His glory and joy to.  Teaching fifth grade here has probably been the hardest six months of my life.  Learning curve.  New culture.  Mix of cultures in my classroom.  Searching for acceptance and finding that it doesn't satisfy.  Leaving the closest friendships I have known in my life.

But I have learned more in the last six months than I can yet put into words.  I can't even put it all into thoughts yet.  I mostly learned things that I knew in my head but clearly hadn't learned in my heart.

I still have to learn to live where I am.  My heart still aches for the places that I call home, the family I love in Wisconsin and the life that I was so looking forward to in Minneapolis.  But God is teaching me moment by moment how to find joy in Him.  Even when I stand in front of twenty eleven year-olds feeling like a failure He is my portion.

And so I no longer have nothing nice to say.  I can say that I am grateful for all that I'm learning.  I am grateful to be able to attempt to glorify God in front of young students.  I am grateful to get to preach the Gospel to them.  

And while I'm very excited about the future, I'm going to try my very best to live in the present.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
- Hebrews 10:23-24


  1. Oh Kayleen. I have been wondering about you this week, imagining that it must have been (and be!) really hard to have Heather gone. I will be praying for you.
    I think in this post you have expressed something that lots of people like to affirm theoretically, but are unable to when it confronts them in reality.

  2. Sending cousinly love to you! You are doing amazing, godly work.

  3. You are an amazingly mature person for someone your age. God has so many lessons to teach us through our lives and you are learning some big ones early on as a young adult. I am sure God is saying "Have you met my good and faithful servant, Kayleen?"

    Blessings to you.


I'd love to hear your thoughts!