Life since coming back from the States has been so strange. Sure, I'm sleep-deprived and about as emotionally exhausted as is possible for me, but I feel like this is something more.
It used to be (from when school started Aug. 10 until maybe a month ago) that I would wake up in the morning, and it was an adventure to be in a whole different world. It was exciting that I had no idea how I was going to make it through the day doing something I had never done before. When I was lost in my classroom, I would just stand in front of my kids, pray, and make something up.
I guess I still do that. I did it today with devotions. "Quick, what did I read this morning? How can I make my students excited about what I got excited about?" It still worked pretty well. Philippians 1:6- God doing a good work in my students and bringing it to completion- how could you not get excited about that?
But I digress. I just felt weary today. I even felt like the way I view my students has changed. At the beginning of the year, I was ready for whatever cultural MK/Bolivian stuff they could throw at me. I remember counting my Sharpies after the first time my students used them to make sure they weren't stolen. Now I know that I really need to watch them after I tell them to put their comic book away because they'll be reading it under their desks, but I'm realizing all the ways that I don't know them.
I don't know where their attitudes come from. What goes on in my Bolivian kids very blended families? What about the boy who spends one night at his mom's house and the next at his dad's? Why is one girl refusing to do homework to the extent that two F's will now be on her report card? How clearly were the lines drawn this week when the most popular Bolivian boy gave a back eye to the loudest MK? How do I teach a class like this?
Maybe it's just the weight of this week's events, or maybe it's just me adapting, or maybe I'm just plain tired, but something is different, and it makes my stomach knot up. It makes my head hang, and sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. Pray for me, friends, as I trust God's plan in bringing me to Santa Cruz and to this school.
Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion in Christ Jesus.